#30.

You'll end up real disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them, not everyone has the same heart. 

I'm abit naive when it comes to people, honestly I don't get people anymore, Even if you've known a person a couple of months, you still know what they're like, you've had that person at your house for days on end, you do some really nice shit for that person so you must obviously like that person.. yes? But when it comes down to it really, you don't. Not one bit and it's so freaking disappointing.
When someone has spoken shit about my boyfriend I defend him til sunset comes up, literally he isn't a shitty person AND PLUS he's my boyfriend and that's what you're supposed to do when someone talks shit about what's yours. BUT, here's the conundrum, like that quote says, people are fucking shitty when it comes to shit like this. they won't even say one little thing to stick up for you. How can you even try and say you love someone when someone talks shit about your girl, you just stand there like a wet fish? I've already said a couple of posts back that I respected his momma, blah blah blah. But what I don't respect and you can hate on me all you like but when you have a full on conversation with someone about how fucking shitty anxiety is and how shitty you feel within yourself, so that person knows you've felt so so so bad.. why would you allow a person to feel that way again whether you fully know them or not?

I don't get it how people can talk to you about how you're feeling yet when someone says they don't like you or they think your son's too good for that person or whatever else was said then you should of said I'm not a shitty person like you all made me out to be.

I'm not a shitty person, yet noone defended me. I WASN'T EVEN THERE AND ALL YOU BITCHES STILL SPOKE SHIT ABOUT ME.

I'm so disappointed in my judgement right now, and myself because I thought I made a bomb first impression with his family blah blah blah.

People are dickheads.

Proper blog coming soon.

Ox 

#29.

I can't begin to even try to explain how I'm feeling right now but it sucks.

''I sit here in tears wondering how long I can carry this load of loneliness on my shoulders; The weight of misunderstanding is breaking my back and I can no longer take the strain...Silence grips my throat as I choke on thoughts that could scare any man into a nightmare and there, have him begging for death's sweet release. These words have been my lifeline but the storms are becoming too strong to be calmed by sentences and I fear the waves will drown me once again. I can only hope my dreams will keep me afloat until I learn to swim against the tide.'' - Chishala Lishomwa.

You can be surrounded with a bunch of people and still feel so fucking lonely, think of loneliness like being dehydrated, if you're happy and you feel like you've got a great bunch of people around you then you're hydrated but if you feel so fucking lonely and that no one understands the shit you're going through, you're majorly dehydrated.
It's funny though, people always make sure you're okay and everything but they only want the short answer being ''yeah I'm fine'' when really you want to be like ''no, I'm fucking dying here in a pool of my own self worth, I hate who I am and I just want people to try and understand me instead of making judgement so no, I'm not fine. Not one bit''

I know I'm always trying to be positive and help people but it's just a really shitty time right now so I hope you can all understand..

Ox.