#NEW CHAPTER ~ 5.

Hey. I know it's been a long ass time til I posted anything and I do have some little projects going on within this blog so I'll tell you all a little of what may happen who knows.. Basically this blog is here so people can understand they AREN'T alone in this world because I'm here really struggling too and anyone who reads this is or they know someone who is, and this is really what I'm trying to get at I could post every single day but the people who know someone who struggles everyday like this too still won't be able to comprehend how they're feeling so I'm going to do a few posts called 'Other perspectives' and it's basically going to be written by my mum, someone who's loved me and my bad bits, just basically the people who know me better than I know me.
So yeah, that's going to be happening soon so keep a look out for that and enjoy today's post. Sorry for blabbering on!

NORMAL?!?!!

What is it? Is it you? Is it me?

Everybody in this world has different definitions of what it may be, but my definition? My definition of normal is being able to go out and not feel like the world's fucking collapsing around me, to be able to have so much trust in someone that I don't feel like when I'm not with them they won't be off talking to girls or any of that fuckboy shit. I want to be able to be to know that I am good enough even when people have told someone I'm not good enough for them, I want to be able to know that myself I am good enough. I want to be able to love me too.

Everybody has different versions of normality, that's just mine! I feel like I try so hard to create this barrier of myself so it's only me that can see how fucked up I'm feeling, lately though I've kind of been feeling really spaced out to be honest, is that even the word? Ah man. I mean I was out the other day with my little lovebug and my sister, and I kept just spacing out of the conversation like just looking out the window because well I was having an anxiety attack and I didn't want people to know how fucked up I am inside my own head. So I hid it, very well infact.

But what I'm trying to get at is throughout this whole blog I've always said I fucking HATE going out. Period. But I challenged myself to do it, and I made sure I looked extra good too and although at first for a few hours I fucking hated it. I got myself out the house and I couldn't be more prouder of myself.

I love you!

Ox