I'm currently in the process of creating something BIG for this blog because it's going to expand alot in the next couple of months, I'll let you all know closer to the time but I feel it'll be really good to get the support out for people who have lived with mental illness and still do, it'll take away the stigma for eating disorders because there isn't alot of information that gets out for guys with eating disorders too. #TAKEAWAYTHESTIGMA
It's amazing how resilient a person can be, I used to hate getting told I have to be resilient at school because noone actually knew how hard it was to get up in a morning let alone go to school and deal with the same continuous bullshit day in, day out. When I got bullied I didn't tell anyone at all, after a while I'd obviously told my bestfriend at the time and she said I wasn't getting bullied, it was just 'banter' so I believed that I deserved to feel like this or it isn't that much of a big deal but it was.
Bullying isn't something you can just push under the rug and hide until a later date, I'd told the deputy head at my school and she'd told me that she used to get bullied by Geri Haliwell {pretty sure that's her name, she's some big celebrity}!!!
So, everybody I'd told just acted like it was nothing, I wouldn't tell my parents not because I couldn't talk to them it was just.. I didn't want ANYBODY to know.
I remember the dinner bell had just gone so we was walking to class and I was walking infront of the girl I'd told I was getting bullied and she'd basically spat in my direction and I had enough. I'd had enough of all this school bullshit so I started walking home but just so noone knew I skipped school I'd be sat in a park, sometimes I'd stay there until school was over for that day but my mum had found little notes the people that were bullying me wrote and I'd just put them in my bag and that's how my mum found out and I knew I had to tell her what the fuck was going on.
I remember we'd always have meetings because I'd never go to school and noone took it seriously, I remember when my mum took me to the doctors and told the doctor I was getting bullied and I wasn't eating and it felt like we'd made progress on that day because it wasn't even a week later that we got a call saying I had an appointment at the hospital.
As always the school hadn't taken it seriously again, I didn't feel safe there at all and it got to the point that I didn't feel safe anywhere that I wasn't with my mum. I'd lock myself in the bathroom with a notebook and just write all my feelings there, the bathroom suddenly became my safe place.
I'm telling you all this because ANYBODY can get bullied, it doesn't discriminate whether your black, white, chinese, whatever you look like it doesn't matter to bullies. You could be the best looking person in the world an people will still dislike you, and I'm NOT going to say 'well that's life buttercup' because it shouldn't be. People get very jealous very easily, and what I've noticed throughout all of this is that people can be super loyal or super against you and it goes from 0 - 100 REAL FUCKING QUICK.
I want YOU all to know, whether this or similar shit has happened to you or you are getting bullied right now, it isn't your fault. None of this bullshit is your fault, you're the victim no matter what anybody else tells you. You're worth the world and SO much more, you don't deserve this.
I've wrote this post because I want you all to know it does get better, it gets so much better. I never thought I'd get over whats happened to me, I was scared of never having friends, never being me before it all happened. I just wanted to be 'normal', but everyone's idea of normal is completely different so fuck it. Be YOU. Be whoever the fuck you wanna be and don't ever let people stop you.
Email - livnizzzle@gmail.com
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