I'm gonna talk about a few different topics so yeah;
Relationships!
If there's no communication it isn't gonna work, that's just a fact. You both need to put each others feelings into consideration because when you're with someone you can't just always be thinking about you, it's a partnership and plus if you're dating your best friend why the fxck would you want to ever hurt your best friend?
I never wanted to be with someone because being ill I didn't speak to people about my feelings and I knew that if I did ever get into a relationship I'd have to really open up, and I'll be honest at the start of my relationship I struggled massively. I'd put this facade on that I love social shit and I was open about everything but after a couple months he realised that I was just tryna impress the fuck outta him so he didn't leave me and that's when I thought I'd be honest and I told him EVERYTHING.
Everything meaning I told him about my eating disorder, about my anxiety and about my feelings and since then he did his absolute best to protect me from stuff. Like the day before my birthday last year he'd taken me out but before we'd gone out he'd asked me about a billion and two times if I'm okay and he kept just really reassuring me.. Communication is really important in a relationship because if the other person doesn't get why you're upset over something they've done how can they fix it? Rhys and I had so many arguments over the pettiest of stuff because we weren't that great on communicating with each other, but we helped one another along the way and we've been together for what feels like a decade already.
Honesty and trust is KEY because if you don't trust your partner why are you with them? Why are you putting yourself through the pain of overthinking and being unhappy when you could end it and eventually move on and be genuinely happy? ALWAYS no matter how hard it is you've always gotta be honest, if your partner has asked you a question that they most likely already know the answer to just don't lie about it. Talk about it with them and that's where communication comes back in.
And NEVER EVER EVER sleep on an argument - you know it's fully officially over when that shit happens, keep fighting for the one you love. Love always wins.
Bullying!
If you know that someone's being bullied always tell somebody, tell your parents or tell teachers or even report that shit! Never be afraid to tell somebody, I know first hand of how getting bullied feels like and it hurts because you want to speak up but your voice has left you and it's scary.
I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself because I couldn't stand up for myself, I always believed that I'd never lose the power of myself and I lost it as quick as you could drop a penny on the floor.
What I never realised then was that it isn't embarrassing to say you're being bullied, it happens far too much in Schools now.
Everybody's too worried about what other people will think and judge of them so that's why they keep quiet, they think it'll just go away when really it gets worse and worse.
I've spoken to so many people about bullying and it's heartbreaking to know that people have actually thought of ending their own life because of other people. Nobody should EVER have that much power over you that you want to end your life because they've said things that aren't true and definitely aren't needed. It's bad because bullying used to mainly just be in Schools or somewhere face to face but the place where you're supposed to feel safe and secure - your own home it'll happen online when you're just scrolling through Facebook or on social media in general.
I personally believe that social media has played a HUGE part in how bullies function now, you could be in the same room with somebody and not even be on your phone yet they could be writing posts about you. It's RIDICULOUS! How are you supposed to feel safe and secure anywhere if it's following you everywhere - it's all on your phone, your computer, at School. How the hell are you supposed to escape and ignore the bullshit?
ALWAYS speak up if you or you know someone that's being bullied. Never lower yourself to be a bully.
Anxiety!
Anxiety. How do I describe this? Have you ever been to one of them arcades which have the funky mirrors all around you? That is anxiety.
Anxiety is something that never leaves you alone and when it does for a while you feel weird without that nagging little voice in your head telling you you aren't good enough.
I was going to actually title this little section to be mental health but that just generalize's it and anxiety deserves its own topic.
Anxiety isn't just occasionally feeling nervous about something, and it isn't something you can just ignore or get over. From the moment you wake up til the moment your head hits that pillow and you fall asleep you're constantly fighting this battle within yourself, and the only way you can express that battle is by getting angry or crying. I push so many people away and most of the people I pushed away were people that weren't any good anyway but that's not the point.
Anxiety is like a race, you see the finish line but every time you think you're getting close to it it moves further and further away. It breaks you down til there's barely anything left of who you used to be. It ruins so many opportunities for me, my days may start off good but then end bad or the opposite way round.
Anxiety isn't a state of mind and I can't just turn it off, it's with me 24/7 - I have these thoughts going round and round in my head til I literally need to nap so it'll stop for a few hours.
If you suffer with anxiety don't be ashamed to ask for help, know that it's a fucking courageous thing to do. Don't be embarrassed to go see your doctor or even go on antidepressants, everybody needs some type of support and the one thing I'd tell you all not to do is face it alone. It makes each day harder and more unbearable.
Anorexia!
I lived with this eating disorder for longer than I'd like to admit, in this post I'm literally going to be brutally honest about this topic as well -
It ruined my childhood, getting bullied, getting anxiety and then getting anorexia on top of all this was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with because I didn't know how to deal with it. I used to love sports like golf and swimming and even football but as I got into high school here's where the story changes..
I know not everybody is going to like you and I'm fine with that but when I was constantly getting told I'm fat and I'm not good enough that's when I decided I was going to starve myself, I barely drank anything and when it got really bad I didn't drink anything and I ate as little as I possibly could.
I lost my confidence, my self esteem and I became a hermit, I'd hate going anywhere and I'd hate having any pictures taken of me mainly for the fact that I knew I wasn't looking my best yet the people around me were constantly saying how beautiful I was. When your body feels like it's shutting down then how the hell can you still see yourself as beautiful? I'd wear baggy clothes and I'd always have my hair up because I lost my will to give a shit. I didn't care about anything, I didn't care about me or how I was ruining my body.
I wanted to not exist and by starving myself I knew slowly that'd happen.
I couldn't look in a mirror, I didn't want too because I knew how bad I looked. I was starting puberty when I first developed this eating disorder and I'd already had periods for a while now but because my body wasn't able to function anymore they stopped, and that's when I knew I was really in the shit. Like I'd had thoughts months before any of this happened that I was gonna stop eating and everybody would forget I existed and it'd be all good but the journey between thoughts of not eating and actually not eating seemed so far apart but it happened so quickly.
It's been a while since I got better but after having an eating disorder your mind doesn't recover or go back to how it was before, you still have these negative thoughts about yourself and your body but it just isn't at the same level as it was when I was really ill. I'm still on the journey of recovery and finding myself because I still get so freaking down about my body and it's hard to decide whether I want to go through all that bullshit again or just learn to finally love who I am.
Everybody can get an eating disorder, it doesn't discriminate whether you're black, white, asian, whatever your race, whatever the colour of your skin, it doesn't matter who you are - men and women can get eating disorders so please if you're reading this know that you AREN'T alone and get help.
You deserve the world.
O x
