Hey guys, I know this is a new chapter and everything but I'd just for one post like to revert on everything a little.
When I was ill and getting bullied, just getting worse in general really. I had no sense of hope whatsoever, my only destination in life was to die, literally I wanted to be dead.
I guess me not eating was my way of slowly ending all that bullshit, I wanted people to get used to the idea of me not being here anymore because let's face it, I was a fucking shell. I was hollow inside, I was a mask of myself and it killed people but I didn't care. They didn't understand it, I didn't want them too either. Otherwise they'd know I'm broken, but obviously people could see that anyway especially my mum.
This post is for the people that know or have known someone with a mental health illness because everyone who's gone through this will already understand the concept of what I'm saying now so, here's a little piece of advice from someone who experienced it..
For eating disorders, never tell someone to just eat please. Never tell them to do it for you because I guarantee they'll just go to the bathroom and puke it all up anyway so there's really no point and it's only going to make them feel so much worse for not being able to just fucking eat it. It's not that easy, you think such horrible bullshit about yourself that you aren't able to see that good parts and it's so freaking scary to get yourself out of that mindset. I don't even care, you can't change yourself for other people just to make them happy, you've got to do this for you boo.
For anxiety, depression, whatever.
Don't say you feel anxious about shit too because that's completely fucking different, having anxiety means you get anxiety attacks at just the thought of doing something out of your comfort zone, it means literally being sick at the thought of doing something you're scared of, it means simple things like going to school make you cry at JUST THE THOUGHT. I missed weeks of school just because I'd overthink it, it made me physically sick, I could barely think of school otherwise I'd cry and cry and fucking cry. No one should have to live like that so please never tell someone you understand what they're going through just because you've had a shitty day.
It's been a while since all of that, well it feels a long ass time because a day feels like a fucking decade to me but whatever, please just take care of the people around you because they aren't going to be there forever, especially you don't know what's going through their mind right now. This minute. You could be so freaking oblivious to it because they don't want you to know, just don't let them be on their own in this. Keep them close and give them all the love you can.
Love you,
Ox.
