struggling.

I've been struggling for a while now, I put this strong facade on and I'm always trying to paint this fake smile on because it gets a bit draining otherwise, you know?

But, pretending everything's okay when it isn't is just as bad really. 

I'm the kind of person that believes in love at first sight, yeah I still believe in that whole fairytale romance bullshit and I believe in the love that you read about in books, the kind that doesn't give up.

And finding someone that makes you feel like you're the only person in a room full of people, finding someone that makes you realise why it never worked out with anyone else, that's all anybody wants.

I've been working so hard on myself, becoming that person I knew I could be but my problem?

I meet people and I get attached to their aura and how they tick. 

People like to psychoanalyze me and assume they know what I'm about but truthfully, there's very few people that know me like that.

It's not that I want to die, I just don't want to exist anymore.

I feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and whenever someone needs me I'm there but who's there when I'm struggling? 

I just, yeah. 

I've lost my sparkle.

..sunshine is on the way..

It's quite funny, I had 3 drafted posts before I decided to do this post..

Nothing felt right but this one, I think it's gonna be different.

Throughout this entire blog I've wrote about struggling, the highs and lows, and everything in between but one thing I've never written about is my goals. What I truly want in life, what fulfills me, what gets me up and out of bed every morning.

Everyone says money rules the world and for a good proportion of people it does, but for Liv's world, love rules it all.

Whether it be a romantic love, a friendship love, or a love for a pet.

I had a cat not so long ago, Mystery, he's been mentioned in a few posts before because he's been my lifeline for as long as I can remember but he died.

And, the amount of love and loss I felt but at the exact same time, it didn't feel quite possible to be honest.

There's so much loss in this world that now I just wanna fill Liv's little world full of love, the love Patrick had for Baby, the love that stays and grows with the both of you.

One thing I've not really had is loyalty, and if you know me then you'll know I'm absolutely OBSESSED with dirty dancing.

That's the kinda love that'd fit perfectly in my world.

Sunshine is on the way, there's been so much doom and gloom.. but now I just wanna dance in the street with the man I love and not care if anyone sees, I wanna sing at the top of my voice to country songs and make little playlists for every trip, I want effortless love, love that doesn't have any other needs just you two. 

Love is on it's way.

Stay funky,

L x