What's best for me.

First of all, I'd just like to thank you all for making my last post so popular, it was honest, raw and kinda emotional for me to even write to you all. And I'd also like to thank every single one of you that reads this blog because you give me the strength and courage to write about shitty days like that. So, thankYOU.

Antidepressants - AND why I stopped taking them.

Okay so I got prescribed antidepressants and I think I stayed on them for like 2-3 months, BUT I came off them for a particular reason so here goes - I've always had a problem with my eating and I really want to stay a certain size and shape so when I was taking medication for my anxiety I was always so bloated, I felt like my moods were worse than when I wasn't taking them. 

I felt paranoid and I just overall hated them. For someone that has bad issues with eating and that had anorexia it was hard to see my body change like that, because if it wasn't my anxiety that was bothering me, it'd be my body that was and my mood didn't change.

So what I'd done one day after I kept taking them every single day, I went cold turkey and made myself not take them again. I flushed them down the toilet and focused on getting myself the way I want to see myself. It's funny though because my mood was always so low it made my relationship difficult too, I wouldn't tell him what was wrong EVER but I obviously told him I was on these pills but still.. After I'd stopped taking them and after my bloatedness went down, I genuinely felt so much better. I felt in charge of everything. 

When I was in year 8/9 I developed really bad insomnia and I'd stay up ALL night and pretty much all day playing COD: Zombies {still a crazy good game} but that wasn't healthy and my mum actually took me to the doctors and I'd got put on diazepam - super strong sleeping pills, but the funny thing is it didn't make me sleep because I got a bad reaction from it and it made me full of energy like I'd had 4 fizzy drinks, I was basically like a little kid that had way too many sweets and I still couldn't sleep!

I wouldn't recommend ever going cold turkey on any antidepressant, mainly for the fact that one good day doesn't mean it's always going to be like that and you've got to understand that you're going to get way more bad days whilst your body gets off the medication. I only did it because I knew that I'd do something stupid if I was still on them, I didn't want to be here during that period and I have so many people that care and truly give a shit about my wellbeing and I didn't want to let anybody down and that's probably why I never went through with it. 

Always stay safe with shit like this.

O x