Hey guys, how you all doing?
For such a long time I didn't think I could feel like me again, I didn't realise I could feel accomplished and genuinely happy again. I've realised over these last few weeks that I'm not as weak as I make myself out to be, I'm starting to feel like I am strong.
I stopped myself from doing so many things that I actually wanted to do because I was scared, scared I couldn't do it or be good at it too but there's things I've not stopped myself from doing, and I think I'm starting to feel less trapped within myself and it's a good feeling.
But don't for one minute get me wrong, there's some days I literally have to force myself to get out of bed because I have no motivation. There's been days where I'm at my guys house and I can't even pretend I'm okay and I'll just start crying.
I've realised that crying isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you've been holding in too much and you just need to let it go. Strength isn't determined by whether you can act happy all the time then cry when you're alone, although you have to be so fucking strong to do that.. it isn't really the best thing to do in my opinion, this is coming from someone who did and sometime does do it still.
But anyway, strength is getting up in a morning when you feel like absolute shit, getting dressed, putting make up on and getting on with the day. You may feel like the world's against you 99% of the time but YOU need to fight back.
You need to show everybody and most of all yourself that YOU can do this, you're all warriors because the fight never ends, you get stronger and whilst you're getting stronger, the fight becomes easier to fight back too.
The insecurities you have become less noticeable because you no longer feel like you're worth nothing, you eventually realise that you're worth the world and no matter whatever happens you've got to realise that the biggest battle you will ever have is with yourself and if you've won once, you can win again and again and again. Until it just goes...
Daily thoughts..
Ox.
