the truth.

The other day I got told I should work harder on my blog if it's something I'm passionate about, someone who barely knows me tried to have an opinion on the one thing I care about the most and it really fucking irritated me.

I started writing this blog because I'm not much of a talker yet I can easily write my feelings and how I'm feeling down. I wanted to have a safe place for me to vent too and just in general talk too because I was insanely scared of losing my boyfriend {I don't know why but yeah}. With this blog I have wrote about everything, the happiness I've felt, the sadness, the heartbreak - every fucking thing.

For a VERY long time this blog was the one thing that made me look forward to waking up, there were so many times that I'd have much rather not existed than feel the way I did. There were times very recently too that I had so much stuff going round and round in my head yet I didn't wanna talk about it so I wrote posts about it, not every post is going to positive or cheerful because that isn't how I feel. Alot of the time I feel constantly on edge, I put this facade up so noone can really see if I'm full of panic and anxiety or if I just don't want to be here or anything really -  this blog is the one thing that genuinely keeps me going.

I've been in abit of a rough patch recently, my mind is a constant mess and living with mental illness on a 24/7 day to day basis is fucking tough man. How are you really meant to find motivation out of wanting to just hide under your duvet and never come up again???? It's so challenging to motivate yourself to do something when you don't even have the energy too. I'm not this confident happy person that people think I am, I struggle hard but I never ever let people see this struggle because I'm a very proud person so no way is anybody gonna see me down and if they do then that's when shit has got real.

I'm human, I suffer with anxiety and my eating on a day to day basis so nobody can ever tell me I don't try. It's hard to get out of bed every morning so for me to sit down and write exactly how I'm feeling? That's harder.

xxx