Suicide isn't something I've really spoken about in detail, but I figured it might help people if I wrote a post completely and utterly dedicated about it, so here goes...
Suicide isn't something to joke or make a meme of it because it's genuine real life. You may think words over the internet have no effect on people's lives but words hurt just as much as physical pain can.
I've always kept quiet about stuff relating to this topic because it's raw and personal for me. I always wanted to not exist, I didn't want to die but I just fought so hard to try and not exist.. but how do I explain that to the people closest to me?
I had anorexia and I hid it for so long because I knew people would be ashamed of it or something like that, and the thing is I didn't want my family to find me dead one morning mainly for the fact I knew they'd blame themselves but I never wanted to die like literally forever die. Me starving myself WAS my way of slowly killing myself, it ruined me inside and outside.
I'd rather admit I had no problem rather than telling people I had this problem, I usually do hate talking about this but I figured I've wrote posts that are just as bad so why not.
When I have my really bad days I still want to not exist, there's no particular reason for it I just don't want to be here. It's weird because I wouldn't write anything like that because it isn't going to help anybody that reads this but I still want to help you realise that even though I've got over the worse of it I still fight a daily battle within myself yet I'm on top.
I had a bit of a bad day today but that's okay because I put my fingers on my wrist and felt my pulse, I'm alive still but I believe I'm here for a purpose and it's me being able to feel my heartbeat that's keeping me here still.
NEVER EVER GiVE UP.
O x
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